I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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