I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize