I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
