you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
