I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
