sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
