Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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