what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
