this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
