9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I want to fling myself into the sun
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
