im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
