I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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