I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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