you have to choose: penises or morals?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
