Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
