I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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