Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
