its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
