Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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