no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
