Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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