did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
