You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
