the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Randomize
