Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
