I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
