Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
