My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
