If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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