Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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