If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize