I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
