wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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