she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
