The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
