I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
