I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
