So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Boobs speak an international language.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
