She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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