I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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