the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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