yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
