i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You are a genius and a whore.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
