just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
