Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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