So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
