is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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