Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
