and you said cock pushups were impossible
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
