It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
