i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
