Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
