So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
