If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize