I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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