Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
