I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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