You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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