he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
