Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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