His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
