I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
