I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
