we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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