I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I touched a dick in church today
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