i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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