You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
