I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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